Pecked to Death by Chickens. With Frickin’ Laser Beams.
There comes a point in every man's life where he realizes that his Achilles' heel is fully exposed. My 7 year old is currently kicking mine with remarkable aplomb.
If he were just being "bad", it'd be one thing. He's not destroying things, or abusing the animals, or breaking his siblings' toys; he's not taking the car for joyrides or inviting hookers from Craigslist over for a midnight snack ( and let's be clear, if he DID invite a hooker over it would actually be for a midnight snack -- cookies, maybe some Sprite... ). He's pulling the Diet-Coke-of-Evil stuff: sneaking extra video-game time, conveniently 'forgetting' that he wasn't supposed to go to the bratty girl down the street's house without asking first, stubbornly refusing to do anything at all if he doesn't get to do whatever his first choice is...
I'm running low on patience here. I don't think taking stuff away is working, and talking about it doesn't seem to stick. I'm thinking gypsies, or maybe a shock collar. And whiskey ( for me, not him).
That is, if I don't crumble to dust first.
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The Dwinkosphere
Oldest + Youngest, Best Buds
Ben & Amelia, proving that a 7-year age gap is nothing when it comes to brothers & sisters & Playmobil..
Posted via web from dwink | Comment »
New York, New York
The last time I went to NYC, it was for a conference. I brought along
Becky and Ben, and they went off to visit friends while I went to listen
to people talk about some Compliance thing or another. I don’t remember
much of the conference, to be honest, but I DO remember ditching it one
afternoon to walk around Central Park, Ben happily chasing his “Pumball”
(a wadded up piece of paper — yeah, he’s always been this way). It feels like a lifetime ago. Now, we have too many kids to bring them along, so it’s just me. I’m
going to work, and it’s cold outside. Probably will be so busy that I
won’t even make it over to Central Park, much less to wander around it.
Will be wearing dress clothes, and sitting in meetings, and maybe
getting some of the locals to show me something interesting after work. I’m thrilled to be going again, though. There’s something about NYC that
feels really good to me; maybe it’s that it is unabashedly City, that
it’s such a hodgepodge of buildings and nooks and crannies and people.
Or maybe it’s the streets and bridges whose names are famous nationwide, thanks to
Sex and the City and countless other movies and shows: FDR Drive, Park
Avenue, the Jersey Turnpike, Brooklyn Bridge — as a visitor, there’s
great novelty in seeing that you’re riding on these streets that have
been mentioned a million times. I imagine it’s the same feeling Chicago
visitors get about Michigan Ave or Lake Shore Drive. So, this time I intend to breathe in as much as I can while rushing from
airport to office to hotel and back to office again, embedding another
fond memory into my cortex to tide me over until the next time I get to
visit, because while Chicago is my home, I will always love New York.Posted via email from dwink | Comment »
I gave some advice. Is it good advice? You be the judge.
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May 22nd, 2009 - 09:09
According to my mom, this was me from..oh….about 6 to 21.
Give it a few years, Ill be right there with ya. The knob Creek is in the cupboard next to the fridge. I think its the only solution.
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May 22nd, 2009 - 13:34
I find rum in my coffee does wonders.
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May 24th, 2009 - 18:16
I would go with the gypsies. My daughter actually thinks calling the gypsies to come get her is a game.
[Reply]
May 26th, 2009 - 09:07
Hey Dave,
Shanna from WI here.
Are you sure the boy is only 7 and not 15? Sounds just like my son lately. Maybe we should get the two of them together, my house one week, your place the next, then at least we get a break from the moodiness.
Good luck. Alex didn’t start this crap until he was 13, so I got off easy for an extra 6 years.
[Reply]
August 26th, 2009 - 19:26
This one time, I was watching this boy and couldn’t take it anymore so I tied him up in my basement and gagged him. That worked wonders.
But come to think of it, I still do that as an adult. Men, not boys. So be careful, he might end up enjoying it.
[Reply]