If you’ve been following Mommy Wants Vodka, then you know that my father-in-law is currently in the hospital due to a heart attack earlier this week.

He’s doing great, or as great as can be expected. The ticker’s a terrible thing to have trouble with, and given that I missed out on meeting my grandfather due to his ticker crapping out on him, it’s definitely making me think a bit about family.

I grew up in a pretty traditional nuclear family. Mom, Dad, my brother, and I lived together, no divorces, no separations,  just day-to-day life. We had extended family but have never been terribly close with them; from time to time we got wedding invitations but that’s about the extent of it. So my family was always a little aloof, and this translated into our daily lives too. I love my parents, love my brother, but my life and their lives were always pretty separate; we asked for help from one another when we needed it, tried to be thoughtful and generous to each other, and made sure to get together around the holidays, but day-to-day life was in our own little bubbles.

When I met my wife, suddenly the ‘traditional’ side of things went out the window. Suddenly, I was on-track to be a stepfather, with a brother-in-law and his wife, my wife’s uncle, and other assorted characters thrown into the mix.

What happened next is what’s extraordinary: I was immediately accepted as one of this new family. Day-to-day life AND special occasions were shared, we invited each other to go to special events ( the car show, exhibits at the museums, Fry’s ), it was like an entirely new definition of ‘family’ from what I was accustomed to. And here I was, suddenly in the middle of it. It was really, well, nice.

I don’t care for the term ’stepfather’ when it comes to Ben. He’s always called me “Daver” and it means something special to him that ’stepfather’ doesn’t convey.  ‘Stepfather’ always sounds to me like I’m borrowing the father hat when Real Dad can’t be around; “Daver”, in a goofy way, has the sense of respect and caring that goes into “Dad” without commenting on biology. And you know what? Screw biology when it comes to family. Family’s more than that.

What this whole situation with Becky’s dad has me realizing is that I don’t think I care for the term “in-law” when it comes to her family either. Her dad and I go geek out at electronics stores together. I help him build computers, and he takes my side in Dave vs. Becky teasing at dinner. OVER HIS OWN DAUGHTER, he takes my side. That’s something special, and ‘in-law’ doesn’t fit.

Like Ben calls me “Daver”, I guess I’ll have to start referring to him as “J-Dawg”. Our family will know what that means…and that’s what matters.